Overcoming the Emotional Impulse to Spend

Growing up, I recall the Christmas season being about giving. Everyone focused on buying something for their loved ones. Somewhere along the way, the notion that we should also treat ourselves to something special got thrown into the mix. Companies and retailers started using language like, "while you're buying that perfect gift for your loved ones, why not treat yourself to that thing you've always wanted?" And so the season of giving became not just about giving to others, but also giving to ourselves.

It's easy to get caught up in the frenzy that is present during holiday shopping. This is mainly due to the increased emotional triggers we experience during this season. Emotions are good, but unfortunately, they are fickle, change frequently, and can lead us astray. Making financial decisions based on emotional impulses alone is like trying to catch the wind. You never quite nail it down, and continuing this impulse buying will result in experiencing regret, fear, hopelessness, and shame.

Spending on impulse is similar to any addiction because it provides that dopamine hit that feels so good as we experience the emotional satisfaction of getting what we want. Of course, this feeling doesn't last because it cannot satisfy us to the level that we need, so we try again, and again, and again. With every purchase, we're seeking that deep satisfaction we long for that possessions can't satisfy.

Early in our marriage, my wife, Natalie, and I engaged in a lot of impulse buying. Neither of us was taught to manage money, so we did what felt right to us. After paying our bills, which both of our parents taught us to do, we spent everything we had leftover on whatever felt good at that time. Four years into our marriage, we found ourselves with 13 credit cards, one car payment, and a new mortgage. I then got laid off, and so began one of the most difficult times in our life.

As a man and the sole provider for our growing family, I felt like a failure. I felt regret for spending money so foolishly, shame for failing to protect my family from this situation, hopelessness because I didn't see a way out, and I experienced constant worry and fear about the future. The question I kept asking myself was, "How did I not see the foolishness in our behavior to spend as we did?"

We are indeed emotional beings, but we're also logical beings, able to think and reason between right and wrong, good and bad. Most people aren't taught to manage money. And we're especially not taught of the dangers our emotions and feelings can have on our financial decisions. Adding basic financial education can help overcome our impulsive nature to a degree. It can also improve our spending decisions. Still, it takes more than that to break the impulse to spend and become financially wise.

The turning point for Natalie and me was learning God's word on money and possessions.

Before our financial crisis, we had no idea how much God said about money, especially our emotions around money. Financial education is good because it provides you with the principles and knowledge to calculate the impact of your financial decisions. However, this knowledge doesn't diminish the feelings and desires, which cause us to go beyond what's financially safe and wise. This is why we need God's word.

God's word is not just knowledge; it's truth. Truth goes beyond knowledge. It touches the deepest part of who we are by shining its light and revealing the real motives behind our actions. Like a mirror, truth makes us see everything, and if we're willing, it develops convictions and standards in us that line up with God's truth.

The late Larry Burkett shared an example to illustrate the power of conviction. He said that if he could talk a person out of buying a new car because the payment would be too much for him, a salesperson out there could much more easily talk that same person into buying that new car. Why? Because the salesperson has the new car as a prop to motivate him to buy. The desire for the new car, which he can have right now, is greater than the financial pain of a new car payment, which he hasn't experienced yet.

"However," Larry said, "If I can teach the man God's perspective on debt. And if he understood the truth, that the debtor becomes the lender's slave (Proverbs 22:6) and he accepted that truth, it would form a conviction in him regarding debt, that no person on earth would ever convince him to violate." God's word speaks to both our minds (reasoning) and our emotions (feelings) to shape our beliefs and develop convictions and living standards that line up with His kingdom principles.

We cannot forget that our enemy is real. He intends to steal, kill, and destroy us, but Jesus came to give us life more abundant. (John 10:10) We will never experience that life through material possessions alone. The enemy's major weapon today is materialism, and he entices us to look to material possessions to provide happiness and meaning to our lives.

Jeremiah 17:9 warns us that "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure." We cannot tame or control our emotions unless God's word is in us. It is "living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12 ESV)

By God's word, we can overcome the emotional impulse to indulge and instead truly make this season about others; loving, giving, serving, and helping those in need. Now that will make you genuinely joyous!

For Further Reading:

Giving Tuesday: An Opportunity to Experience the Blessing of Giving

Financial Success in the Kingdom of God

Seeking and Receiving Wise Counsel

Why the Church is the Best Place for Financial Education

Maintaining the Right Balance in our Saving

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